Random Thought

What would it be like to be handicapped?  This random thought came to mind because I was working at Linguini's tonight and well a few handicapped people came in.  The first table was a blind couple.  Yes they were both blind and I was pretty worried about them because our tables are pretty small and they had a lot of stuff on their table.  I was especially worried about their drinks because they were close to the edge of the table.  Are their other senses heightened?  Do they have super hearing, taste, or feel?  How do blind people survive out in the open?  I know they have their sticks, but shit they can't see.  And also the man was drinking beer.  How does he feel when he is intoxicated?  Does he start walking into poles and act goofy?  I honestly can't imagine a goofy blind person...  I was just worried about them even though I know they probably do just fine because they've learned to adapt...

The next handicapped person to walk in was a man with one arm and he was eating by himself.  My first thought about him and I know it's a silly thought, but it was "How the hell is this guy going to put butter on his bread?"  It was probably the least of his worries, but still.  Does he grab the bread put it on the plate, get some butter and attempt to spread it like that?  I would imagine that would be quite difficult and fucking frustrating.  When I'm hungry I want to fucking eat and it would piss me the fuck off if it took me hella long to prepare my food.  I was pretty curious to how he would eat, but I didn't watch him.  It's pretty rude to stare and I'm pretty sure he gets enough of that already.

These were just some of the thoughts going through my head.  Yes they're weird, but they're really my thoughts...  I would hate to be handicapped, but I guess like anyone I would have to adapt.  I didn't feel bad for them thought because they were all capable and just living their lives.  If they weren't capable they wouldn't be out in public enjoying good food, so good for them.

Sunday Was Good To Me

To start off I had the whole day off and let's talk about friends.  I was supposed to eat breakfast with GosuMike, but I overslept.  I woke up around 12 30 and I called him to see if he wanted to still eat.  Breakfast food is amazing at anytime of the day so of course we went to eat.  We went to Lynn's and Lu's because BB was working.  GosuMike was taking me out to eat for my birthday because I took him to eat on his.  It took awhile to get our schedules aligned, but it finally happened.  He had the eggs benedict and I had the eggs a la Justin plus bacon.  Later we had dinner with BB and Gamer.  We were going to go to Yo Jimbo, but it was closed so we decided to go to Flavors of India.  The service was pretty awful, the server took a ridiculously long time and he was pretty rude.  We all ordered different types of lamb with a few orders of Garlic Naan, which is like Indian bread.  The food was pretty good, but not worth the awful service... We will not be going back anytime soon, but as far as friends and food goes, today was great.

Second let's talk about sports.  So I play in a fantasy football league with a bunch of my friends.  This week I was playing against Vandal which is an incredibly important match up because both our teams suck ass and we're fighting for 6th place (out of 8 teams).  My best player got injured which made me sad, but I won the match.  Both our teams did terribly as expected, but my team did less terrible.  As i said in my last post, I also bet on a few games to make my Sunday even more exciting.  I lost one bet and won one, but the one I won was bigger.  I won 55 dollars today, which is actually like 7 hours of work for me so I'm happy about that.  As far as sports goes, today was almost as good as it gets.

Finally let's talk about the gym.  Today I went to the gym by myself because GosuMike had an essay to write.  I was pretty worried because I was informed that my headaches might be kind of serious although I am glad to be informed.  Thank you for that Dr. Kay.  I decided today I would go lighter to see how I felt.  I did more reps instead to try to get a similar burn and it was a pretty good session.  No huge headache or wanting to vomit.  I was pretty relieved although I still probably want to get myself checked on.  I'm not sure when this will happen because I'm pretty laid back on these kinds of things, but as far as Sundays go, today was as good as it gets...

Headaches

Lately when I've been working out I get these huge headaches.  Usually on the intense exercises that require a lot of power like benching, pull-ups, or deadlifts.  It's like my neck tenses up and I can feel the blood pumping throughout my body.  It almost instantly gives me a migraine like headache and I just can't lift anymore.  Also there are times I feel like puking.  I don't think it's that the weight is too heavy because I used to be able to lift these.  I want to take a few days off, but I also don't want to.  When I take days off from lifting I feel fat.  I think I will just go lighter to see how I feel for the next few days...

Tomorrow is Sunday and that means there's football on.  I bet on a few games because I like to gamble and it adds a little more excitement to all of the games.  Well wish me luck!  =)

What I Do Best.

Procrastinating.  Putting things off.  Waiting until the last possible moment to do something that is supposedly important.  This is what I do best and I've always done it....  I have a midterm tomorrow and I have yet to open my book this semester.  It's not like I care enough about this class to take it seriously, but still I should be studying.  I will probably read sometime before my midterm, possibly before I sleep or maybe after work, and the majority of the time I just say fuck studying....

To be honest, in my time of searching for what I want to do with my life... I'm quite happy with my current situation.  I know it sounds silly, but working this much and going to the gym is pretty satisfying.  It's hard to explain because during the day I'm consistently dealing with people I don't like, complaints, retarded ass kids, but at the end of day I'm just like I'm done, I can got to the gym and I can smile.  I don't make much money and the work is tiring, but I actually feel extremely good at the end of each day.  For now I'm happy with what I'm doing and it's a great filler until I find out what I want to do with my life...

Real Steel

I spent most of the day with my dad because I had it off.  First I took him to eat breakfast at Lynn's and Lu's because he had never been there and BB was working.  My dad had eggs a la Justin which is an eggs benedict with avacado and tomato instead of canadian bacon and I had eggs lox which is salmon.  The food is amazing and the service is great.  BB is hella tall so he can get anywhere on the floor in 3 steps or less.... So breakfast was great as usual and afterwards we headed to AMC Emeryville.

We watched Real Steel which has Hugh Jackman in it.  The movie is about robot boxing and it was awesome...  I thoroughly enjoyed everything about the movie.  It had a pretty good plot, great action, suspense (sorry if I hype this up to much) and I loved it.  There's something about fighting that I just enjoy.  I've said before that sometimes I just want to fight and when I was a kid I did get into a lot of fights.  I got my arm broken when I was four...  The adrenaline, anger, speed, and mainly the pain...  Probably the main reason why I enjoyed this movie so much.  It was a excellent father son movie and my dad enjoyed it too, so I definitely recommend this movie to anyone... 

Breakfast with BB

Like I said before, I love breakfast foods and BB works at a breakfast place called Lynn's and Lu's which is awesome.  So I was supposed to meet at Gamer's house at 8, but I overslept and got there around 8:30.  BB drove me to the restaurant, paid for parking, and then paid for my meal.  It was a very nice gesture and pretty much made my day.  We talked about school, work and friends, nothing too serious. 

After breakfast I walked to work from Gamer's house and well work sucked.  It was busy as hell and my useless ass co worker didn't do fucking shit, but that's basically what I expect from his useless ass by now.  After work I walked back to Gamer's house, drove home and took a 3 hour nap.  I went to class, but it was too boring to stay.  My midterm got pushed back a week because my class is too retarded to understand the material...

After class I went to the gym with GosuMike.  It was a rest day so we just played basketball.  I played terribly and my endurance is awful...... I get tired after 2-3 games and just stop running.  Today was confusing, fantastic start, ugly middle, okay finish....

Beautiful Day

So today was sunny which was weird because it has been kind of stormy for a couple of days this week.  I decided since it was so nice outside, that I would walk to work.  It was about a 45 minute walk and it felt great.  Its kind of nice to just be with your thoughts and music.  It's also very logical because I have to eat an early breakfast which normalizes my meal times (I can eat lunch at like 12 or 1 instead of 2 or 3), I get in 2 cardios during the day because I have to walk back home, I save gas (I basically make negative money) and I don't have to look for parking (which is a bitch).  There's a lot of pros and the only con is that I have to wake up earlier which isn't so bad.  So from today on, I will be walking to work if weather permits.

So I have been having a bit of an identity crisis lately.  It hasn't been as bad since those 2 weeks I was faded...  I have talked to or received advice from quite a few of you and I am glad.  One of my favorite things is talking to people who are logical and social.  Making money to me isn't nearly as important as it is to be happy.  If I can find a job that I enjoy and make enough to survive, then I will be incredibly happy.  That's the main problem, finding something that I enjoy.

So here are the few of the things that were suggested to me and I've kind of put to the side.  One of them was bartender which was a pretty good suggestion.  It's social, doesn't take too long to learn, and the money isn't terrible.  The reason why I don't like it is because I think I would crack under pressure, I'm not good with my hands, and with my experience making drinks so far (tapioca drinks) I'm incredibly messy.  Another suggestion was doctor's assistant, which wouldn't be terrible because I do like helping people and I was told that the money is decent.  Here's the problem... 2 more years of school.  I'm terrible at school and 2 years isn't that long, but I don't think I can keep my focus for that long.  The last one that I will mention is mechanic.  This friend realized that I'm kind of done with school for now and this would be something I could possibly learn.  It's interesting, hands on, and possibly enjoyable.  The only con again is that I'm bad with my hands, but I don't know if that should stop me.  These are just some of the suggestions from the opinions I completely trust.

The one thing that I think I would absolutely enjoy doing is personal trainer.  The problem is that the money is extremely shaky.  In order to make money, I would need clients and clients are never guaranteed.  It wouldn't take me that long to get certified, I would be interested in what I'm studying, its social and I'm addicted to fitness these days.  Like I said earlier, being happy is more important than being rich, but I have to make enough money to survive and I honestly don't know if I would be able to survive on an unstable paycheck.  One other thing that I have thought about in the past is becoming a day trader.  I am a huge risk taker and if there's anything I am incredibly good at, it's recognizing patterns.  I know there's more to day trading than these, but I think I could learn.  Now here comes the huge buzzkill....  My mom works for an investment banking company and I would need permission to trade every time and that would make it impossible...

So these are all the thoughts wandering my mind these days, plus work and girl....  I will continue to juggle these thoughts on the way to and from work everyday.  Tomorrow I'm going to have breakfast with BB which is good because he is one of the friends that I talk to and get advice from plus I haven't seen him in awhile.

Brunch

I think brunch is probably one of the best meals ever.  First of all I love breakfast foods... and then brunch is usually a chill and relaxing environment which I enjoy as well.  Yesterday I went to brunch with Blossom, Friend and some of their friends and it was awesome.  We went to Cafe Biere in Oakland and they had bottomless mimosas.  First they start you off with the original orange juice and champagne mimosa, but every time you finish your glass they give you a fresh new flavor.  I had grapefruit, grape, watermelon, and cucumber mimosas.  They were all pretty good and I was pretty buzzed before we even got our food.  I had a lamb burger which was pretty big and it tasted amazing... Lamb is one of my favorite meats.

After brunch we went to one of the friend's house where they watched Ip Man 3 and I passed out for 3 hours.  After that we went to this restaurant in Berkeley called Noodle Theory.  I have been there before and it was one of my favorite noodle places to eat at.  I had duck curry noodles which is my usual, but I didn't eat too much of it because I was still full from brunch.

After dinner I went to the gym by myself to do a little bit of cardio, met up with some friends to smoke and went home for a good nights rest...  I think I got at least 10 hours of sleep yesterday.... 

Back to Reality

First off, I would like to thank all the people that talked to me about my situation in the last post.  It really helped me out and I did talk to my friend.  Neither scenario occurred, they listened and said they would try and that's good because that's all I ask....  It wasn't as harsh as what I was going to originally gunna say because I found a better way to say it.  So thank you again for all your help.  All of those who talked to me basically told me what I had to do....

So about my week...  I haven't drank all week which is pretty good... I have smoked twice, but I'm also trying to less.  I sold some of it to a guy who works next door...  I've been working quite a bit which is why I haven;t been updating.  My boss did give me most of the week off at Linguini's, but my co-worker was sick 2 days in a row so I covered for her.  I also covered 2 shifts at tap so my week has been pretty busy.  I've kind of lost my patience when it comes to a lot of customers.  When they order most of my thoughts are... Shut your face, your voice bothers me, or hurry the fuck up, or learn how to speak motherfucking English....  I know these aren't fair, but I just can't help myself.  Well, I do have tomorrow off so maybe it will help.

Last night was a pretty good night.  I smoked with PIC and Lucky in PIC's driveway.  BTW this is the girl that I have a huge crush on, but she has a boyfriend =(.  Anyways we chilled in her house, ate kim chee noodles and watched this pothead movie called Smileyface.  Afterwards I went home and passed out.  It was the first time I had ever seen her house....

One positive about this week is that I have gone to the gym everyday.  I'm starting to get back in my routine and also I'm starting a new program called Blood and Guts by Dorian Yates.  Hopefully it works because I will be putting in work at the gym everyday.  Also tomorrow I'm eating brunch that has bottomless mimosas tomorrow which makes me happy...  Until next time..

Uphill Battle

As much as my lack of identity and knowing what I want to do with my life bothers me... something else bothers me even more today.  Would you risk the friendship of one of your closest friends in an attempt to keep them from getting hurt?  It may seem illogical because I have very little chance of succeeding, but the way I see it is a little different.  I appreciate everything this person has done for me and I listen to what they have to say.  I'm willing to do a lot for this person, but it pains me to watch them get hurt.  I don't know how much longer I can watch this and I have a lot to say, but I don't know if I can say these things.  So the way I see it is, the greater the friend, the greater the risk, but doesn't that make them even more worth it to help.  So if I do say the things I need to say then I see these scenarios...

Scenario 1: They listen, we're still friends and we go back to life.  This is the best, but least likely scenario.

Scenario 2: They don't care, they're hurt by what I've said and I lose my one of my closest friends.  This is much more likely....

Both of my scenarios are extreme because with what I have to say, there's pretty much no in between.  I don't even know how I can bring myself to tell them.  I'm so torn by this and I can't even believe I'm thinking about it.  It's a ridiculous battle that I don't think I can win.  Would you risk the friendship of one of your closest friends in an attempt to help them and no guarantees? 

your advice is greatly appreciated....

What happened yesterday?

So yesterday was ADL's funeral and service.  It was at Chime's Chapel in Piedmont and a ton of people showed up.  The chapel only fit 180 people, but he knew a lot of people.  A few people gave speeches about his life, his passion, and just how he was.  It was really emotional, but I feel like I understand him a little better...  I mean he was my boss and you're not supposed to like your boss...  He was a little weird, but in a good way and he touched many people's lives.  I will miss him a lot and I didn't even know him that well....

After the service there was a luncheon at Silver Dragon in Oakland Chinatown.  I sat with all my coworkers at a table and instantly started abusing the open bar.  It was just wine and beer, but alcohol is alcohol....  I don't remember how much I drank or what we even ate.  I just remember drinking white wine and the rest of the day is extremely hazy.  When we left we all went to the dinos to go smoke, but I was too fucked up.  I was puking at the dinos and I forgot why we left, but I got dropped off at the store.  I was puking in the bathroom and I eventually passed out in the store.  I woke up around 7 or 8 pm still pretty drunk.  I don't even know how I managed to go to my other work, check my schedule, and drive myself home.  When I got home I saw my parents and passed out in my bed.  I slept until about 4 am, got up and started puking again.

I've felt like Edward Norton when he was in Fight Club.    When I'm drunk and/or high I change completely and then when I'm sober I don't even remember what happened, but I get these kinds of DeJavu.  For the past couple of weeks I have not been sober for one day.  I've had a little bit of trouble telling what is real and what isn't, whether or not I'm awake or asleep.  It's been a weird experience and I've even had a bit of a identity crisis of "Who am I?" and "What am I doing?".  I think this is something I should start figuring out soon.....

Past Week

The past week has gone by really fast.  It's almost been like a weird dream where I am high and tired at night and then groggy when I wake up for work.  My memory has been kind of hazy.  It's been 9 straight days and I feel pretty good.  I've only been to the gym twice in the past couple of days.  I find myself spacing out a lot and I've been thoughtless and unfocused for awhile now.  I haven't worked at Linguini's for a week.  I requested it off because for those of you who don't know yet, my boss at Tap Ex passed away in a biking accident.  We've been in shock and kind of just been working and hanging out.  It's been a little chaotic, but we're hanging on....