As much as my lack of identity and knowing what I want to do with my life bothers me... something else bothers me even more today. Would you risk the friendship of one of your closest friends in an attempt to keep them from getting hurt? It may seem illogical because I have very little chance of succeeding, but the way I see it is a little different. I appreciate everything this person has done for me and I listen to what they have to say. I'm willing to do a lot for this person, but it pains me to watch them get hurt. I don't know how much longer I can watch this and I have a lot to say, but I don't know if I can say these things. So the way I see it is, the greater the friend, the greater the risk, but doesn't that make them even more worth it to help. So if I do say the things I need to say then I see these scenarios...
Scenario 1: They listen, we're still friends and we go back to life. This is the best, but least likely scenario.
Scenario 2: They don't care, they're hurt by what I've said and I lose my one of my closest friends. This is much more likely....
Both of my scenarios are extreme because with what I have to say, there's pretty much no in between. I don't even know how I can bring myself to tell them. I'm so torn by this and I can't even believe I'm thinking about it. It's a ridiculous battle that I don't think I can win. Would you risk the friendship of one of your closest friends in an attempt to help them and no guarantees?
your advice is greatly appreciated....
My mother recently told me this advice in conjunction to me being fearful of losing my job/internship after letting my supervisor know how I felt. She told me that, "I would rather them know how I feel before they get rid of me than to never know how I feel. If they let me go then I don't need to be there anyway." I also want to say that if their your friend, we expect them to understand us and not get offended and to know that we mean everything in good intentions, not all the time that is received that way. Friends will get offended by what we say, they will be hurt by what we say sometimes, and sometimes they will know we have good intentions but in the moment, all they see and feel is they're being attacked, so they go on defensive. You know this friend better than any of us in cyberworld because you interact with them and know them, so I would say is it worth it? Is it worth telling them what you feel you need to say to them and risk losing their friendship? I would like to say that if we're friends they should listen to us and take what we have to say, but as I've said before that doesn't happen for whatever reason. At the same time, if it is something that needs to be said, and if it results in losing a friend, then I say it was worth it. Now when I say that I am referring to what could be dangerous behaviors such as drug problems, etc, risky behaviors or something that could potentially hurt them more if you never say anything. You could have a free conscious. Also how do you think this friend respond to hear such messages? How would they take it, I think those are all the things you should take into account. Of course, only you know this person better than me. I don't know the situation in full so I am going off of common friendship hurdles I have encountered on a personal basis and what I think is true. I do apologize for this long response, I just wanted to share everything that went through my head as I was typing this response. I hope this helps, if it seems unreasonable please let me know. Also if it would seem unreasonable to your friend to just accept what you have to say without being defensive or "attacking" you then I would rethink everything.
ReplyDeleteThanks,
Kay
Also I just saw the time of this post and it was pretty early in the morning/late at night. It really appears to me that this is bothering you. I just think you would just have to weigh the pros and cons of the situation and whether or not it is worth it maintaining a friendship and holding this to yourself. If it's bothering you that much, then say something. Only you know what is best and what you would feel comfortable with doing. So do what you feel is the absolute best for yourself.
ReplyDeleteAgain, I apologize for the long response.
Kay :)
Thanks for your advice. I don't mind the long response, it's very good advice and these are thoughts that are running through my head and I'm taking my time with. This is certainly something I have to be careful with and I appreciate all the things you have told me. Also I've read a little of your blog. All your posts are long, but they are all good reads. Again thanks for your advice.
ReplyDelete-Jeffrey
Well thank Jeffrey. Yea I am trying to reduce the amount I type. I think I just ramble on and on and I need to get straight to the point. People tell me I over-analyze things and think too much into things, and so I write every single thought and it doesn't need to be like that. Again you're more than welcome. Trying to keep this as short as possible! :)
ReplyDeleteKay