So yesterday was ADL's funeral and service. It was at Chime's Chapel in Piedmont and a ton of people showed up. The chapel only fit 180 people, but he knew a lot of people. A few people gave speeches about his life, his passion, and just how he was. It was really emotional, but I feel like I understand him a little better... I mean he was my boss and you're not supposed to like your boss... He was a little weird, but in a good way and he touched many people's lives. I will miss him a lot and I didn't even know him that well....
After the service there was a luncheon at Silver Dragon in Oakland Chinatown. I sat with all my coworkers at a table and instantly started abusing the open bar. It was just wine and beer, but alcohol is alcohol.... I don't remember how much I drank or what we even ate. I just remember drinking white wine and the rest of the day is extremely hazy. When we left we all went to the dinos to go smoke, but I was too fucked up. I was puking at the dinos and I forgot why we left, but I got dropped off at the store. I was puking in the bathroom and I eventually passed out in the store. I woke up around 7 or 8 pm still pretty drunk. I don't even know how I managed to go to my other work, check my schedule, and drive myself home. When I got home I saw my parents and passed out in my bed. I slept until about 4 am, got up and started puking again.
I've felt like Edward Norton when he was in Fight Club. When I'm drunk and/or high I change completely and then when I'm sober I don't even remember what happened, but I get these kinds of DeJavu. For the past couple of weeks I have not been sober for one day. I've had a little bit of trouble telling what is real and what isn't, whether or not I'm awake or asleep. It's been a weird experience and I've even had a bit of a identity crisis of "Who am I?" and "What am I doing?". I think this is something I should start figuring out soon.....
Did you start doing shrooms bro?
ReplyDeleteSo I've been thinking about this post a lot today regarding your identity crisis. Sorry if it becomes a ramble, but I've been wanting to comment all day.
ReplyDeleteI've had varying degrees of identity crises over the years but my lowest point was in college. I didn't know what to major in and had no idea what I wanted to do in life. I also had a cynical view of life at the time and asked the friends around me if there was anything more to life than school, work, and dying. Life was pretty dismal to me and I was confused about my future so I took random general ed. classes, took minimum units, and didn't study as hard as I did in high school.
Every school year I talked to career counselors, hoping they could help me figure out my future, but the counseling sessions hardly helped because it was mostly me talking about my life and how I became the person I was today. It also didn't help that I had a pretty good understanding of myself (despite the identity crisis). I don't regret going to see the counselors, in fact I enjoyed talking to them, but it didn't work for me.
I eventually got through my identity crisis by basically asking myself this one question: Do I want to be happy or rich in the future? Once you get that question figured out, I think your answer and the path you decide to take will help you figure out who you are.
Just to let you know, I'm still not sure what I'm doing in my future, but I've decided to take things slow by making short-term goals and not think too far into the future (like dying).
Hopefully this helps you a bit with your identity crisis, and you're more than welcome to ask me questions.
Lastly, I am worried about you living in a dream-like state. As long as you don't get seriously hurt or get killed, what you do is your business. Even so, I am worried. We're not the closest of friends and I'm not physically there for you (like your new family of friends), but you're still a friend and I'd like you to know that I care about your well-being.